Tuesday, August 25, 2009

That's... An Interesting Trim Job... (!!!!??!!)

It's Tuesday again and time for another Totally Awkward post courtesy of Tova Darling (can I ever thank you enough!?) Hit that link and visit Tova's page for a whole list of totally awkward posts!

Today, we go back to my 18th year of life. It was the summer after my Senior year in high school and I was working in Branson, MO at one of those trail ride places. You know, you'd come and give me $12.50 apiece and I'd put you on a horse and take you riding around for a few miles through the Branson countryside (because at that time there was actually a little countryside left) while you referred to me as something stupid like Cattle Annie.
Now the fellow who owned this place liked the pretty girls and after I started working there, he hired another girl (we'll call her Curly) who was very pretty indeed. Long, blond hair. Nice tan. Bright blue eyes. All the boys were really into her. I soon found out they were wasting their time in one of the most awkward situations in my illustrious history:

We were at work one Thursday when Curly suggested to me that I bring a change of clothes the next day and come over to her place after work. Her roommate was out of town and it would give us a chance to get to know one another socially, not to mention saving me a long drive because she lived right up the road from work.
So, the next evening, we did just that. Naturally, after having worked with horses all day long, we were dirty and grimy and sweaty and both needed a shower. Curly graciously showed me to the bathroom and the clean towels and suggested I go first since I was her guest. While I was showering, she popped into the bathroom to check on me. At the time I thought, "Okay, clearly, she doesn't have as many personal bounderies as I do, but whatever. It's not like she can see through the shower curtain."
I got dressed and kicked back in a rocking chair in her living room while she took her turn showering. All was well until... it wasn't anymore.
There I was, minding my own business and watching tv when Curly walked out of her bathroom, completely nude, and came down the hallway toward me. My brain screamed something incoherent and I turned quickly back to the television for something (ANYTHING) else to look at. This did not deter Curly - she just stepped in front of the tv, all the while getting closer to the rocking chair I was now starting to sweat in. She asked, "So, where do you want to eat tonight?" I answered, "Uh, I don't... I hadn't.... Uh, I, uh... WHAT!?" And thus the conversation went on for about the next 15 most uncomfortable seconds of my life. I am a person with serious personal bounderies, so physical closeness with those other than my immediate family makes me nervous anyway. Nevermind if you are a virtual stranger. Certainly nevermind if you are BARE-ASS-NAKED! So, it happened that Curly stepped even closer as I leaned even further back until BOOM! I flipped the rocking chair over, breaking the arm off of it, jumped up, apologized, grabbed my bag, made some lame excuse and got the hell out of dodge, as they say.
It didn't occur to me until the next day, when I was preparing to go back to work on Monday that I would, in fact, have to face her again. CRAP! CRAP CRAP! Any number of awkward things could happen, couldn't they?! How would she act? What would she say? What if I overreacted? Did normal 18 year old girls run around naked in front of one another? (not the ones I grew up with).
As it happened, she wasn't at all embarrassed, sorry or shy. For the last several weeks of that summer and that job, I just had to dodge, duck and dive this chic. It was that or yank her hair out and at that point, I was afraid she would enjoy a little hair pulling...

Monday, August 24, 2009

Pranks Gone Wrong and etc...

We live in Aurora, MO. Marionville, MO is the town next to ours. My son goes to Aurora High School. I attended Marionville. Okay, background out of the way, I'll go on with the story now:
This weekend, the Aurora police department was called to the Aurora High School because there was a dead deer lying in front of the entrance to the school. Upon investigating, the police found that the deer was wearing a Marionville Comets hat... I wonder if the turds who did this even remotely thought about the possibility that there were surveylance cameras all over the school??? Time will tell.

It's Monday, and I'm sure you are by now used to the fact that I am just not "with it" enough for a coherent post on this first day of the week, so I'm going to leave you with pictures from our trailride this weekend and wishes for a wonderful week!

View from one of the high trails:

Me and my kids. Hubby was riding one of mine yesterday, so I had them both there. Louie on the left and Rain on the right (doesn't she look happy!? not)

There is an old cemetary in this particular park. They don't keep it up anymore, unfortunately.

When we got home, Pea Pie decided he wanted to learn to do some roping. He did a pretty impressive job for his first day - ended up helping hubby out by roping a calf that needed a shot. Then he learned to give the calf a shot. He also learned we do not wield a syringe as if it's a sword...

Friday, August 21, 2009

Bits and Bobs

Well hello, hello, hello!! Not only is it Friday, but the weather here is AMAZING! High of 80 today and I'm declaring official Fall weather. I SAID I'M DECLARING IT!! (hope the weather is listening!)

Time for another edition of Friday Fragments (wooo-hooooo!) For more of these little tidbits, visit Mrs. 4444 at Half Past Kissin Time.

Let's see:
Have you ever used flylady.com? If you have trouble staying organized, keeping your house clean or anything like that, you should check it out. It's amazing and completely free!

It's time for Broiler Fest here in Crane, Missouri. What's Broiler Fest, you ask!? Well, it's a Festival celebrating the eating of many chickens (broilers are what eating chickens are called). There are carnival rides, a beauty pageant, crafters and...well, a lot of chicken to eat. That's what we're having for lunch today here at the dealership.
Now, here's the big scoop on Broiler Fest. Don Johnson (yep, the Miami Vice guy) has several family members living right in this area and every year, as long as he's not working, he comes to the Broiler Festival. Yesterday, he had lunch at Bootleggers in Aurora, MO (where I live). Last night he was at Ruby Tuesday in Springfield AND yesterday he got himself a Missouri Drivers License. hmmmm. I DO have 10 acres for sale. Wonder if he's looking for a place to build!?

My son is off to his dad's for the weekend after school today. I always say in a very cheery voice, "I'm so happy you get to see your dad this weekend. Have fun and stay safe!" But what I'm thinking is, "THIS SUCKS!"

Learning Spanish has become very difficult. Contrary to what a lot of people seem to believe you canNOT just throw el in front of every word and turn it in to spanish. EL CRAP!

OH! I still have not bought batteries for my digiscale, so I have no clue how much weight I've lost, but I'm building good habits - no soda now and tons of water, watching my portions AND...dum duh DAH!!!! getting a LITTLE exercise. It's a start.

I watched "Obsessed" starring Beyonce last night. That was pretty decent. I ended up yelling "THROW THAT BITCH DOWN THE STAIRS!" Which is EXACTLY what I would have done. Except the only stairs at our trailer are the ones on the front porch. I don't think that would have killed her, but it would have been a start.

My plans for the weekend include: STAYING HOME, RESTING & whatever else I decide to do (probably not much of anything but bask in this weather). I hope you all get to do the things you want this weekend, too!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Blogging Post

I know! Blogging about blogging. Who'da thunk it!? Yesterday I was catching up on your blogs and one of them got my attention. It's one of many I've read on the subject of blogging "rules" and one of many that have just rubbed me the wrong way.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how and why I blog. This is the third blog I've had because I am a perfectionist and after getting unhappy with the first two either because I didn't blog regularly or I just didn't like what I was saying, I started another. With this one, I finally buckled down and decided every post cannot be a wonderfully witty masterpiece and that it is more important to meet my goal of writing on a daily basis than to try and be perfect. I've been pretty darn good about doing just that, every Monday through Friday, since I started Abstract Arboretum. That's a goal that I have maintainted for a few months now and I'm happy about that.

But it seems that a lot of people blog because they want to be recognized or invited to Blogher or to get some sort of fame out of it. And that's fine, truly. But, it also seems like a lot of the bloggers who blog for those reasons think the rest of us should too and that if we don't, we are just wasting perfectly good space on the internet. Incase any of you were wondering, that is not why I'm here. What am I trying to say here? I better figure it out before this thing gets insanely long. To boil it down:

1. I do like gaining followers because it could mean that I'm doing something right and people are enjoying what I have to say. But gaining a follower could also mean that the person who is following does so in order to gain another follower themselves. "I'll follow you if you'll follow me" kind of a thing. I'm not really "down" with that scenario.

2. I blog because I have a writing goal and in order to become any sort of a good writer, you have to write. I know, it's shocking.

3. I do not care about blogher or about monetizing or about getting a thousand followers who are only following because they want me to return the favor. I am not here to social network by any stretch of the imagination and I would much prefer to have 5 followers who genuinely enjoy my blog than to have 500 who are just trying to gain popularity themselves. This isn't Mary Kay or Tupperware for me. It's just my blog.

4. Social networking IS a wonderful tool for many reasons. I use it for business, but I choose not to use it for my blog. Double standard? NO. Why? Because I am not judging you for the reason that you want to blog. I'm defending my right to blog without being judged by you.

4. I DO follow blogs that I sincerely enjoy. I don't follow very many because I have limited time to read them and it really pisses me off when people leave comments that make it clear that they are not really reading your blog. I would rather follow 20 of you and be able to follow you the right way than to follow 100 of you half-assed. Sometimes I'll get a comment that just makes it so blatantly obvious that a person has glanced over a post and then thrown out a quick comment. Whatever.
If you like my blog and leave comments that are sincere or that acknowledge you have ACTUALLY read that post, then thank you so very much! I do enjoy the vast majority of the comments that I receive.

5. I don't care why you blog - to each his own and more power to you! I'm not here to judge. If you are blogging in order to social network or to gain some sort of popularity or be recognized, I certainly don't blame you for it. However, I have read many posts now where these very bloggers carry on about how if you're going to blog then you ought to be doing a, b and c or you're not really a blogger. Well, to hell with that. Blog for whatever reason you want to for as long as it makes you happy, but please don't judge when others refuse to follow your little formula.

Thus concludes this installment of GERT ON A SOAPBOX. I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


I'm going to make this a quick one because I really need to catch up on reading YOUR posts.

To Brainella: know now that I am a dork of enormous proportions - Your potpourri and oil are on their way today, however, your votives will be delayed. I brought everything to work with me yesterday thinking I would run into work for a few minutes and then down to the post office to ship. Then I got caught up at work and forgot the stuff was in the car. You know... candles do not hold up well in high temperatures... Sincere apologies - they WILL be coming very soon.

To all of you: Stop laughing and cut me some slack. I'll be more prepared for my next giveaway!! Have a fantastic Wednesday!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


It's time again for another Totally Awkward Tuesday (thank you Tova Darling!).

This morning, while driving to work, I was thinking which totally awkward moment I would be sharing and I settled on one, but then... this happened about 10 minutes after I got to work:

Some of you may remember from early posts about my work that one of our auto salesmen is also a preacher. Well, Preacher came into my office this morning and sat down with his cup of coffee. I had taken off early yesterday to take Pea Pie to an appointment and then shopping, so Preacher needed to fill me in a few work goings-on. He had been sitting in my office for about 5 minutes when he coughed and then got a funny look on his face. I thought he had dumped coffee in his lap and burned himself. I said, "ARE YOU OKAY!?" And he said, "I didn't burn myself. I coughed... and then I farted, but I didn't spill any coffee..."

I'm not sure for which of us it was more awkward, but there is no denying that it WAS awkward...

Monday, August 17, 2009

While We Were Away...

Hubby and I were staying the night in Arkansas Saturday night and the middle (step)child, who lives with her mom a few miles away, called to see if she could just stay all night out at the house (she's 16). I said sure - no parties. She said she was having her friend Sammi stay with her and it would just be the two of them. Little did I know how weird just the two of them could be.
I expected to come home to empty pantries, dirty dishes and a mess. I wasn't surprised there. I was NOT expecting to come home to a broken kitchen bench (one that lifts up and has book storage underneath), a misplaced zuchini and about 27 spoons in our freezer.
First, I said to Pea-Pie, "Why in the world would they have put spoons in the freezer?" And he very quickly replied, "You remember the choking yourself with a belt in the closet to get high thing everyone was doing? Well, now everyone is freezing spoons. Then they take two spoons and press one to each temple and it gets them sort of high."
I stood there staring at him, mouth wide open, for a good 5 seconds before I replied, "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!?" Then he laughed and said yeah, he just made it up. (points for having a good sense of humor. Minus points for screwing with mom.)

Here is the text exchange that ended up taking place between me and the Middle Child:

Me: Any reason there were 27 spoons in the freezer and my zucchini is missing from the table and the books were left on the floor under the broken kitchen seat?

Middle Child: O the seat broke frm my backpack the spoons were frm sam she hid them frm me and I didn't c a zucchini.

Me: Big green veggie that WAS on the table?

MC: OH! Yeah, check in the living room...

Me: Of course...living room...gotcha.

MC: ya sry.

Get your dictionary. Look up "tiny freaks of nature". See that girl in the middle with the curly hair? That's our middle child...

Friday, August 14, 2009


Drumroll please.......


Woot! Woot! Way to go girl! email me at ahaley74@gmail.com with your name and address so I can get these shipped. Thanks! Now we can wean you off of those high priced yank candles you've been buying. FYI, Spring Street Candle 26oz big jars are only $15 apiece AND, if you buy 2 or more, they are $10 apiece!!
I know after you try your votives, you'll be calling to have these shipped!

Thanks to everyone who signed up! Keep an eye out here at Abstract Arboretum for more great Spring Street Candle giveaways in the future! And if you want great quality candles, incense or potpourri before then, please visit www.springstreetcandle.com

Bits and Bobs

Thank goodness today is

Seriously, my brain is refusing to boot up today. I've been awake for well over three hours and just can't quite get it going!

You have until Noon today to get entered in my giveaway (see Wendesday's post for details - it's easy as pie AND the winner is going to get some great products)!

I went to do my first weekly weigh-in today and....drum roll... the battrees were dead in my digiscale!! They're weird round battrees, too. So who knows how I've done weight wise? I do know that I'm almost completely off of soda again. yesterday a mere 10 oz, today I imagine I can drop it all together without headache worries. YAY!

Pea Pie will NOT let me hug him goodbye when I drop him off for high school. What the bloody hell? My husband seems to think this behavior is ACCEPTABLE! hmmmff! Boys!

Back to Eureka Springs for me this weekend and hubby is going along. I'm so excited about that! Although, the reason he's going is beyond hysterical. Mind you, he is not generally a jealous man, but this week I said to him, "You need to decide if you're going with my by Wednesday evening." His eyes got really big and he said, "WHY!? You don't have a boyfriend down there do you?!" I could not help but laugh. He uses up every last but of my patience - how could I possibly have time for a boyfriend? I explained (through tears of laughter) that I did not have a boyfriend, I just wanted to know because a couple of my friends were thinking of joining me. He went from "I don't know...." to "Yes, I would love to go with you" in about a 10 second span. However you look at it, I win!! I get to have my snuggle buggle with me for the weekend. Yes, I do call him stupid sickeningly sweet things like snuggle buggle.

Speaking of hubby, here's a little tidbit for you - every morning he eats S'mores flavored Pop Tarts and every morning he ends up with a glob of icing on the left side corner of his mouth. I can understand that. What I can't understand is his lack of concern over it. Again, hmmmf! Boys!

Yesterday I realized that my ex-husband's soon to be ex wife had her Facebook set so that anyone could read it. So, I did. And looked at all the pictures. It did not convince me that she is less crazy than I thought. Unfortunately, it just confirmed what I thought. pssssssssssssycho. Although, seriously, what does it say about me that I even looked? shudder...

I realized this week that, when writing about my cattle dog, I've been writing that he's a red healer... Sounds like he's a communist doctor. I MEAN red heeler. heeler. heeeeeeeler. Although, if he doesn't stop getting after our bottle calves I'll be calling him by an indian name: Walks-with-foot-in-butt.

Okay, that's all I've got and even that was a stretch this morning. dull brain! dull brain!

For more Friday Fragments, please visit Mrs. 4444 at Half Past Kissin Time!

Thursday, August 13, 2009


In my family, we like to scare people. We like to get scared. We like to watch people being scared on video. It's just funny. And I know people (my grandma for instance) who think that it is horrible to scare people - particulary your children, but I just have to disagree. Following is one of my very favorite episodes of SCARE THE BOY!!!
A few years ago, I pulled off my best scare EVER. Pea-Pie was on the other end of the house, singing and talking to himself in the shower (he doesn't begin to know the meaning of silence). I went into his room, took his telescope tripod and put it about 3 feet inside of his bedroom door, draped his coat around it and put a Scream mask on it. It looked like a small, sort of lopsided monster. Then I went into the living room and waited patiently with hubby to see my handiwork in action. Eventually Pea-Pie came down the hallway and into the living room (still singing and talking). He stopped to talk to hubby and I and, in my anticipation, I said, "You better go get your pjs on before you catch a cold! Hubby and I were just trying to keep a straight face.
Pea Pie walked, jumped, spun and danced his way (he's never still either) down the other hallway to his bedroom, still singing and talking and then... maybe for the first waking moment in his life... HE WAS COMPLETELY SILENT. For about three full seconds before: HE RAN SCREAMING AND FLAILING BACK THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM ALL THE WAY INTO THE KITCHEN BEFORE SPINNING AROUND AND HOLLERING: "MOM!!! YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUTTA ME! MY KNEES ARE SHAKING! THAT WAS AWESOME!!" Ah (wiping a tear from my eye), I'm so glad the boy has a good sense of humor...

If you don't think scaring people is funny, don't watch this video.

Note: I do NOT condone the scaring of toddlers who cannot understand that it's just a joke. Scaring toddlers is what started my lifelong fear of spiders - but that's a whole other story.

Reminder: To any of you who have not signed up for my giveaway, please see yesterday's post. We've only got about 6 entries so far - good odds for those who have entered... Bad for my blog. WHERE'S THE LOVE PEOPLE!?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

IT'S THE BIG 100!!! (loud cheering noises)

Today is the day!
It's the one-hundredth post on Abstract Arboretum and to celebrate, I'm having a giveaway!!!

The prize(s):

A half dozen votive candles in a variety of fragrances. These aren't just any old candles either. These are handpoured and saturated with scent at Spring Street Candle! www.springstreetcandle.com

Click on the picture to get a closer look.

A bag of orange spice peel potpourri WITH a bottle of refresher oil. The refresher oil can be used to refresh the potpourri or sprayed on woodwork to give your entire home this incredible smell.

REALLY click on this picture for a closer look. This potpourri is BEAUTIFUL!

This giveaway will be decided by drawing. To get your name in the drawing:

1. Leave a comment on this post. (one entry for doing this one)

2. Have your friends and fellow bloggers leave a comment on this post, letting me know that YOU sent them here - this will get you AND your friend in the drawing. If your friend also becomes a follower of the blog, you will both receive TWO entries. (unlimited potential for entries for doing this)

3. Follow SpringStCandle on Twitter.
(one entry for participating in #3)

This allows you to pretty much get an unlimited number of entries in the drawing depending on how many of your friends and fellow bloggers you send over (and hey, help a sister out, would ya!?)
I will accept all entries between now and Noon Friday.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

How Low Can Ya Go?

Well, it's time for another installment of Totally Awkward Tuesday. A subject I fear I will never run out of posts for.

On this day I will concentrate on a totally awkward moment that my friend had. I saw it first hand, I laughed until I cried, I tried not to laugh for a minute and then I laughed some more.

I have had this particular friend since Kindergarten. We'll call her Fro-baby because she is prone to some unfortunate hair goings-on when she wakes up in the mornings. Also funny, but I digress.

Not so very many years ago, when Fro-baby was still a single lady, we would occasionally go out to the bars. This was obviously before the unfortunate series of events that led to my lifelong ban on drinking anything aside from the occasional glass of pinot.
One such night Frobaby, myself and my cousin were all at this little podunk bar where another cousin of mine had his band playing. I'm not going to lie - the combination of kick-ass music and unending pitchers of beer made it impossible NOT to get out on the dancefloor and shake our boo-tays. Dance, drink, dance, drink, drance, dink <---- this shows the progression toward what could possibly be described as drunkenness.

At this point, Frobaby and I were right up in front of the stage amongst a crowd of people dancing when I saw Frobaby start to turn in a circle and shake her booty on down toward the floor. Down she shook it, down she bent, down she... FELL FLAT ON HER ASS RIGHT IN FRONT OF EVERYONE IN THE BAR.
I bit my lip to keep from laughing...
I broke out into a smile anyway...
I turned to look at my cousin who was sitting at our table...
I saw that she was literally slumped over in the booth laughing hysterically...
I lost it...

There she was, still on the floor, sort of turtle-on-it's-back-like (generally pretty agile, but let's face it - alcohol tends to erase any traces of agility one might start out with). The look on her face clearly said, "Holy shit! I just fell down! I've got to get up! I can't get up! Help?" And do you think I helped? NO. I was too busy laughing and worrying about the imminent plot of my demise which she was sure to launch next morning.
I will say this, though, where most people would have died of embarrassment, Fro-baby stayed right out there and finished the song.

For more Totally Awkward moments, visit The Secret Life of Tova Darling every Tuesday!


Monday, August 10, 2009

What a Weekend!

Whew! I had to come back to work just to rest up from this weekend.

I left Saturday morning for Eureka Springs. Mike, Sonny and I went yard saling. I got a few books. My husband was absolutely thrilled as he always is when I bring new books home. That's a complete joke. He is actually afraid that one day (soon) there will be no room for living in our house, only room for books. He can't stop me though. NOONE CAN STOP ME!!! Muah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

After that, Mike and Sonny had to open the candle shop and we stuck around there until noon then headed to Basin Park to celebrate with our diverse friends at the Diversity Weekend get together. Back to the candle shop until late afternoon when I headed home.

Yesterday was a laid back, too dang hot to do anything, kind of day.
Nothing special was happening at all, but then I checked my messages and BEHOLD:

Georgie-Porgie over at Decisionally Challenged has graced me with my first ever Blog Award. SQUEEEEEEEE!!! I'm pretty excited about that, Thanks Georgie!!

Now the rules are that I am supposed to pass this on to 10 more lovely blogs, but I'm going to round down to 5 because, at this point, I don't follow very many blogs. So, for my 5 (and I'm not going to give one to Georgie, but only because she already got this award):

47 and Starting Over

On the Front Porch

My Aimless Infatuation (the chirping birds are especially lovely!)

Half Past Kissin Time

World of Weasels

I'm not going to post rules with it... If you want to pass it on, I'm sure that whoever receives it will be thrilled!

Now then, pay close attention: Abstract Arboretum is ALMOST to the 100 posts mark and upon reaching that goal there will be a FANTASTIC giveaway. Stay tuned!!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Bits & Bobs

It's Friday, It's Friday!! Time for Friday Fragments (check out Half Past Kissing Time for a bunch more links to other great FFs!)

I still don't "get" how to grab the Friday Fragment button and use it over here...

We went to see Montgomery Gentry in concert last night. I have a few Fragments on that experience:
1. I am too old to be listening to loud concerts - my head hurts and I can't hear this morning (but it was still fun).

2. I figured out last night that it isn't that I don't like country music, it's that listening to rowdy country music is directly linked to my wanting to drink in ridiculously excessive amounts. I DIDN'T drink anything because I don't anymore, but I sure wanted to.

3. I need to calm it down with giving strangers nicknames. I'm getting pretty creative with it, though. The usual suspects are Coughy Cougherson or Smoky Smokerson, but last night I got behind an old man who had a bit of a hitch in his step and I said (to myself inside my own head of course), "Get along there Limpy Leventhall." LIMPY LEVENTHALL!?

I discovered this week that a little product named Chiggerrid can be your best friend if you've walked the 20 yards from your car to my ex-husband's front porch and been attacked by a nest of those chiggery little bastards.

If you get bit by a chigger on one of your boobs, it's all you'll think about ALL DAY LONG because you can't just scratch it, can you!? At least not without everyone you work with talking about it.

Adult chiggers have eight legs which means they are related to SPIDERS, which means that one of my big unlikely fears HAS COME TRUE. Unlikely fear #1: Spiders will become blood sucking parasites. (fear realized as I learned that ticks are also a part of the arachnid family and now this chigger thing).
Unlikely fear #2: Spiders will mutate into flying creatures. Do NOT tell me if there is already some sort of flying spider in the world.

I'm addicted to learning Spanish. I don't know how to say that in Spanish yet, but I'll learn. Oh yes. I will. Yo lleva calcetines y zapatos! Yeah, I said it...

I was disappointed this morning to see that the lot boy got his hair cut. It was growing into quite a fuzz-fro.

I am heading to Eureka Springs tomorrow to visit with my friends down there! Yay!!

I guess that's about it for this week - Hope you all have a great weekend!!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Here We Go!

Well, I'm going to say it outloud. Just going to put it out there so I can be held accountable:
It's time to lose weight.
Julie at 47 and Starting Over is doing it. (and very well might I add)
She is doing quite an inspiring job.

I've gone from a point where I could claim curviness to a point where there is no denying - I'm a fatty. It is what it is. I won't be doing anything special or magical, just eat less and exercise more (more means any whatsoever since at this point I don't do a whole lot that could be considered exercise).
I'm quitting soda again as of today. I did that for three full months a while back and it didn't help me lose weight. This time I'm doing it because it's simply bad for me. I'm going to TRY and remember to take a vitamin every day. I seem to have some mental block that causes me to avoid vitamins. Maybe I'll strap a bottle to my shirt - Kindergarten note-to-your-mom style (I am sure this is where the phrase "word to yo mama" originated).
For now, that's the plan - No soda, daily vitamin, eat smaller portions of food and get moving. Once I've recovered from these changes, I'll make a few more. I figure it's a good idea not to freak myself out over it.

Tonight we're off to the Ozark Empire Fair (okay, the no soda thing will have to start tomorrow - they have A&W on tap at the fair. Just keepin' it real) to see Montgomery Gentry in concert (thanks for the tix Disc Jockey friend). I'm not a huge fan of new country but hubby is all kinds of excited about it and I bet it'll be a good concert. They look like they'd put on a fun show. Plus we're going up early to "walk around the fair." For me that means people watching. Let's face it, there are no more interesting people in the world than the ones at the local Fair. For hubby that means walking through the livestock barns and then going to see the giant vegetables while saying stuff like, "That ain't nothin'. One year Bubba Joe threw out a watermelon rind in his back yard and then his septic tank backed up in the same spot. Hell, I guess them seeds took hold in all that natural fertilizer 'cause Bubba had watermelons twice the size of that one there."

I'll let you know how it goes.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I survived...

Well Freshman registration & orientation didn't kill me and Pea Pie is really excited for school to start. The high school is beautiful (I had only ever been to the commons and the gym before) and seems easy to find your way around in.

We stood in line for a little over an hour getting all of the paperwork turned in and etc. I was happy to see that Pea Pie is no longer so very much smaller than most of the other boys. Although, there are a couple handsfull of very large, homegrown farm boys in this class. I'm 5'9 and found myself looking up at several boys that I didn't have to look up at last year.

It's a funny group. As far as I can tell, it's divided up like this:
Farm boys
One really preppy kid.

I verified this with my son and he said I needed to add potheads to my list... Then rolled his eyes when I gave him the "just say no" speech for the hundredth time.

The girls fall under 2 categories in my mind:
Skanks who might ruin my son
His cousin

Orientation was like all orientations are. Principle spoke. Vice principal spoke. They both seem like nice fellows. Then the counselor got up and um she um talked for like um about um ten minutes. But, um really, like she could have um said everything she needed to in about um 3 IF SHE HAD STOPPED WITH THE UMS EVERY OTHER WORD! I was actually squirming in my seat over it. My husband kept cracking up because he knew it was all I could do to keep from screaming. (I'm going to be the bitchiest old woman EVER, I just know it. But, that's a whole other story).
After all of the teachers were introduced, they let us loose with maps and schedules and we walked around to all of the classrooms. That was a lot of fun. And it made this crazy mom feel a little better - knowing I can kind of picture where he is going to be now.


Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Great Crash of '89

Welcome to another installment of Totally Awkward Tuesday! For a lot more funny and usually embarrassing stories such as this, head over to The Secret Life of Tova Darling.
Picture it: Marionville, Missouri (home of the white squirrels), 1989. High School football game. In a town where football is VERY important and the bleachers are always crowded with folks. Half time. Are you picturing it?

Now imagine, if you will, the band. The high school marching band. A really excellent, 3rd in the STATE field competition band. I was one of two drum majors. We had a fantastic half time show - we only did college level field routines. Yeah, that's how serious we were. (you see the sarcasm? You see how I can make fun now of the fact that we WERE SO FREAKIN SERIOUS? Funny now, sure. Funny then? NO.)

So, during this half time show, the band played a couple of songs (with the other drum major and I up on our big boxes directing everyone) and then we did a drum break where only the percussion section played and gave the rest of the band time to get in a different formation AND the flag people (you know the girls who wave those pretty pretty flags around in sync with one another?) to have their flags changed out. It so happens, that as drum major, it somehow became my job to run (and I mean RUN) out onto the field with my arms full of flags, stop in front of each flag carrier and switch out her flag until I had gone through the whole line. Then I had to RUN back to the front, get back up on my box (where is that thing now when I need to preach about something?) and begin directing the band in their next song. Got it?

On this particular night everything went as planned right up to the part where I RAN out onto the field. The wet, wet field. When I got to the very first flag carrier and attempted to stop, what actually happened was that I slid past her, hit the ground, continued to slide, rolled completely over and then jumped up. I never dropped ONE of the flags I had my arms full of either. I heard it. I heard the crowd's collective gasp as I hit the ground. I prayed for the ground to please, just please open up and swallow me now. It didn't. I stood up and continued to switch out flags and then ran back to my box where I was met with laughter and applause. LAUGHTER and applause. (bunch of douches).

And you would think that would be enough wouldn't you? That wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that Monday we got to 1st hour band and we began to review the video of the show (told you we were serious). I realized from the start of the tape that we would be, uh... reviewing my crash. I did NOT realize that the band director would rewind it 4 or 5 times - play it again, play it in slow motion, use his stupid stick pointer to tap the screen and relay his favorite parts, etc. He wasn't being mean, mind you. It sounds like he was, but you'd have just had to know him. I have to admit that I was laughing right along with everyone else upon seeing this AND I forgave the crowd at the game for their laughter too. You couldn't possibly see it and not laugh, but to this day, if I think about it much I can still feel my cheeks turning red with embarrassment.

Monday, August 3, 2009

High School

How can two simple words make one person ache with sadness while another practically oozes excitement?
How can my baby - the "squishy" little boy - be growing into a man? Squishy is certainly a thing of the past with his practically 0 bodyfat, 6 pack, pecs, hard jaw line... NOT the looks of a little boy. (how does he get to be all muscular when I am most definitely still squishy?) He's having to shave his face (and I tease him that he needs to do something with those armpits and legs).

I am excited for him. Really! I'm not just saying that. I'm excited because I remember well what it felt like to have your whole future and the promise to make it whatever you want to right in front of you.
I'm excited to see the choices he makes and watch him grow and learn and become what I'm sure will be a wonderful man.
But I am overcome with grief at the idea of him moving out. I have spent every second of the past 14 years and 3 months focusing on him and enjoying his presence. What will I do when he leaves?
I keep trying to just focus on NOW and know that I have AT LEAST 4 more years of him being in the house. (hopefully more like 8). I just know that if I don't start preparing myself a little at a time that I will absolutely meltdown when the time comes.

I AM looking very much forward to watching him go through High School, though. I just don't want to blink and realize he's getting ready to walk down that isle and receive his diploma! He's all nervous that upperclassmen really will take Freshmen in to bathrooms and give them swirlies. I told him that stuff just happens on tv, but maybe don't broadcast the fact that he plays Dungeons and Dragons, lmao! He just shook his head at me.

SO, mom's who might read my blog who have dealt with this.... help me out. How do you deal?