Now I've Gone and Done It!

I did what I swore I wouldn't do: I didn't post for days and days and days.
I've been battling with the choice between posting even though I don't feel like I have anything interesting to say that particular day or just putting it off. Mix that with being so busy it's ridiculous and there you have it. I'm sure I'll sort it all out.

4th of July is on it's way. We had decided to go floating on Saturday and then trail riding on Sunday. Then we called our friend who is "keeper of the boats" and found out they had been stolen out of his yard. Mind you, they're HIS boats, but it was still a let down. They were flatbottom boats and I REFUSE to ride with my husband in a canoe ever again. Any man who doesn't know that he is responsible for keeping the boat upright while his wife screams and leans to one side to avoid giant spider webs is not a man who should be in a canoe. I don't CARE that it was actually fishing line caught in a tree, it LOOKED like giant spider webs.
Anyway, I think the float trip is off. The trail ride will be on unless it storms.
"Where do you want to go riding Sunday," I asked my friend.
"Piney," he answered.
"Oh, you mean the same place we went last weekend when MY HORSE GOT HURT!?"
"Yeah."
"Fine, I'll ride one of my husband's horses."

Talky Pete has finally driven me over the edge. Last Friday my son was here at work with me and Talky somehow lured him into his office (no doubt thinking they'd be about the same maturity level - thank goodness my son is more grown up). He started talking to my 14-year-old about chewing tobacco. CHEW! WTF'nF??? You don't talk to my son about chew unless you're telling him it's a horrible habit! That's when I snapped. He has hovered around my office a few times since but hasn't dared to enter or talk to me. I did catch him giving me horrible dirty looks yesterday, though. At least he's still good for a laugh occasionally.

There's a lot more to get caught up on, but I'll continue tomorrow with the saga of the ex's psycho wife and the kid who stalked my son through the candle shop this weekend. Good times!

VOILA! Inspiration...

Had lunch with a couple of good friends of mine yesterday and it has so inspired me. I'm the type who gets inspiration, remembers I'm a somewhat talented individual in a few areas, goes gung-ho for a little while and then just kind of peters out.
I don't know what's wrong with me, that's just the way it works. I need to make sure I hang out with those who inspire me more frequently.

So, today, I would love to know what inspires you! What sparks your creativity? What keeps you focused?

Come on now, I'd like to see more than 2 comments on this one...

I have long been thinking of writing a monthly article for one of the local newspapers detailing some of the area's local history and folklore. Today, I will be approaching the editor about it, so wish me luck!

Migraine Medication Commercials

I've noticed a definite trend in migraine commercials:
They all have bright flashing lights and loud noises in them. Now everyone who has ever known anyone who has even THOUGHT about having a migraine, KNOWS that bright flashing lights and loud noises are not a good thing. Along with smells (I'm surprised they haven't invented scratch and sniff television yet and I'm sure when they do, migraine medication manufactures will add an offensive odor to their commercials as well).

The Excedrin and Imitrex commercials are bad. Jackhammer noises, horn noises, sunlight, other flashing lights, etc.

Head-On is just loud and repetitive: HEAD ON, APPLY DIRECTLY TO YOUR FOREHEAD! HEAD ON APPLY DIRECTLY TO YOUR FOREHEAD! HEAD ON!!

I tell you what medication I am going to start using: The one that has a commercial with a dark screen and a quiet, soothing voice nicely explaining that they understand migraines and have a medication that will help.

Bits and Bobs

Lordy we've been busy at the farm! Bottle calves are growing like weeds in their pens. Weeds growing like bottle calves in the garden. Everyone sweating while standing still - the humidity is so high it feels like breathing under water. Ah, summer - you silly bastard. I wish the 3 months kids got out of school were Autumn months instead of Summer - we'd have a lot more fun at my house.

I skipped a few days blogging for several reasons:
Busy.
Figured out that many bloggers put a lot of effort into these posts, writing them ahead of time, taking time to edit them, having other people proof read them. It kind of intimidated me or at least made me feel bad for not putting all of that effort in... I think I'm over it now.

Learned some VERY important things on Father's Day - this according to my own father:
This country is broke. I wouldn't have known that because young people do not want to watch the news, they just want to vote for Obama.
I have no retirement plan whatsoever (I didn't know this until dad told me - I thought my husband and I had it all figured out, but according to dad, we've never discussed it).
We have too many horses.
My "habit" of changing jobs all the time is going to cause us to go broke. (Next time I'm working for a company that is going out of business, I will make sure and let them know dad says I can't change jobs. That should make all the difference in the world. I worked for THREE such companies last year - sure wish dad had this talk with me before now...)
Dad, he's a real knee-slapper.

The highlight of Father's Day really was funny, though. My husband and I went horseback riding on conservation land with a few of our friends. One of them always thinks he's got to play practical jokes on others. Sunday, he thought that his joke was going to be to take us through deep water on our horses so that I would get wet and complain the rest of the day. He missed the fact that his horse was a good six inches shorter than mine. Guess who ended up with the itchy butt for the rest of the day. It wasn't me...

Now we're in a heat advisory. ick ick and more ick!
Stay cool wherever you are!

Drive-Thru Bumper Cars, Teenage Boys and Boobs

Last night, when I got home from work, hubby already had my horse caught and him and I and the two girls (hubbies beautiful daughters - 16 and 19 years old) headed up to the rodeo arena for some riding/training. We rode until it was dark, hauled the horses home and after all the 4-leggers were fed and put away, we realized it was 9:30 and we were STARVING. The girls left and hubby and I went inside to see if Pea-Pie and his little friend wanted to go to town with us and get a milk shake or something. (I only neglect the adults in the household - the boys had already eaten supper). They agreed and off we went.
We decided on Braums (best french fries AND milkshakes ever) and wheeled through the drive through. While sitting in line waiting, (who would have thought Braums would be so busy in a small town at 10pm!?), my SUV suddenly lurched forward and made a horrible noise. Several things happened at that point that still have me laughing. This is how the scene played out:

Pea Pie (14 years old) used my signature phrase in times of distress, yelling: "YOU GOTTA BE SHITTIN' ME!?
He was the first to realize we had been rear ended and we had a talk about his potty mouth when the incident was all over (!!!).
Hubby got out of the car to check the damage while I watched in my side mirror as the girl driving the car behind me opened her door and stepped out amidst a mushroom cloud of weed smoke. She had on a bikini top and a strapless halter top which got snagged on her door and almost came off. She made some lame-o excuse for hitting us, hubby pointed out that what she had hit was my trailer hitch and her car was the only one damaged, she apologized and thanked us 47 times for not being angry.
Hubby got back in with us and shut the door. 5 full seconds of complete silence were then followed with:

Pea-Pie: Dude, I thought her shirt was coming off.
Pea-Pie's Friend: I KNOW!!! I did too!
Pea-Pie: I was like, YEAHHHHHH!!!!!
Both boys: Hysterical laughter...

Men are at least consistent about one thing - from birth to death they sure do like boobs, don't they?

Father's Day Approacheth!

So, what do you give the man who has everything? Food, of course! This is what my dad gets on his birthday and Father's Day and he goes crazy over it (that means he gives me a half smile and says, "Well, thanks Aim."):
I think this is a Paula Deen recipe, but not sure as my meemaw is the one who gave it to me. I know it's rich like Paula Deen's food and my grandma is a big fan of hers, so I'm assuming. I KNOW it's a sure-fire crowd pleaser.

Banana Pudding:

Ingredients:
2 packages Pepperidge Farm Chessman cookies (do yourself a favor and don't try to replace these with Nilla Wafers)
1 can sweetened, condensed milk
1 12 ounce tub of cool whip
1 large box of French Vanilla Instant Pudding (I can never find the 5oz boxes, so I get 2 of the small boxes and guess at combining them to 5 oz)
6-8 bananas. (the more the merrier)
1 package of cream cheese.
2 cups of milk

Directions:
-In a very very large bowl - I can't express how important it is to take me seriously on this - YA NEED A BIG BOWL - combine the pudding powder and milk and use a blender to blend it smooth.
-In another medium bowl, blend the cream cheese and condensed milk until smooth and then fold in the whipped cream.
-Take the cream cheese, whipped cream, condensed milk mixture and pour into the bowl of pudding, mixing it all together until smooth and evenly blended.
-Cover the bottom of a 13x9 inch pan with a layer of the cookies. (you can also use 2 of the small square cake pans instead and give 2 gifts or keep one for yourself).
-cover cookies with a layer of sliced bananas
-cover bananas with a layer of the pudding mixture
-layer of bananas
-layer of pudding mixture
-layer of bananas
-cover with remaining cookies and put in fridge.

You can't make this up very far ahead because, of course, the bananas start to turn brown. (unless you are really little miss suzie homemaker and decide to soak them in lemon juice first. That's not my style - I don't have a style).

I swear to you, make this for ANYONE (who doesn't hate bananas) and they will be begging you for more!

Just Like Karaoke....Sorta.

I never, in my wildest blogging dreams, thought I would be posting about this, but here we are:

Definition taken from the web:
In the past, anyone who didnt have musical talent could release their creative juices by playing Air Guitar. Well why cant the same be true for people who have never had sex? Thats why Air Sex is sweeping Japan as the latest craze.

It's on a 16 stop tour of the USA, you know, kinda like how Karaoke got it's start.
Imagine going into a bar and watching a line of people take their 2 minute turn at "air-sex." They are allowed to talk and (gulp) use props, but must remain fully clothed. In the 2 minutes, they must act out meeting, seducing having foreplay and then doing the deed.

I can see that there would be people who would do this. After all, there are people who do a lot of things I'll never have a good reason for. But a 16 city tour!? In the USA? Who does this attract!? (please don't let it be the Dungeons and Dragons crowd - my son still plays every Wednesday and no gramma, they're not worshiping the devil in his friend's basement).

You can youtube for videos. I swear they are on there. I got embarrassed for the people in the videos and couldn't bring myself to post one on here. Wonder what you get if you win one of these competitions?

Well, Happy Blogging!
I have to go take a shower now...

Monday Laugh...

...And In This Corner...

Gertie's migraine.
It is a one-round fight and I'm losing, so I'll see you all Monday.
Have a great weekend!

The Tale of Two Hatties

When my son was born, my grandmother (meemaw) came down from Kansas City to visit and welcome her new and only great-grandchild in the world. Bless her heart, she must have believed the child was doomed to nekkidness because she brought 11 outfits for him. These weren't practical baby outfits, these were the kind with matching hats and booties and all the fancy this-n-that.
Fast forward 4 years. At that time, I was blessed to be able to work from home and spend the days with my little boy. On one such day, I was at my computer working when I heard a strange noise. It was whining, although I was unable to figure that out at first. It was sort of a scared (but not too scared), freaked out (but not sure how freaked to be) and kind of half crying sound. It was getting louder by the second.
My son, who was then 4-years-old had found a little sailor's hat that belonged to one of those original outfits that grandma had bought for him and, yes, he had stuck it on his head. A hat made for a 3-month-old does not fit too well on a 4-year-old head. The noise I was hearing was him whining while walking through the house and pulling on the hat so hard that his little face kept lifting up.
I tried REALLY hard not to laugh. For about 3 seconds I tried the "awwwwwww, it'll be okay buddy," approach. At the 4th second, I was howling uncontrollably which caused him to start laughing too. The more he pulled, the harder we both laughed and he remembers the incident to this day.
So, imagine my surprise when, last week, I heard, "MOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!" In that same kind of tone I heard over the hat incident. I had just bought the rabbit a new little soft hut for her pen. Pea-Pie was opening it for me and...stuck it on his head. AND...GOT IT STUCK! I had to cut a slit in it with the scissors to get it off. I'm wondering now if I can expect this about every 10 years from him. Come to think of it, at that rate, next time he does it his wife can just deal with it!

My Wednesday Confession...

Dearest Bloggers and Bloggettes,

My heart is just not in it this morning. I have been at work for a sum total of 35 minutes and have already:

1. argued with a bank rep who I now believe to be deaf and lacking a clear understanding of the English language (where's that Rosetta Stone dumbass language learning program I ordered?).

2. Scraped half an inch of dust off of my desk the very morning after the cleaning crew was here.

3. Found the vending maching to be completely devoid of anything Pepsi related.

Perhaps I shall pop in later for more of a happy happy, joy joy kind of post...

Six Things...

Kim over at A Golfer and a Girl has tagged me (and everyone sort of) and asked that I name 6 UNimportant things that make me happy. I find this a difficult task, since even these small things seem very important to me, but this should do the trick:

1. Reading a good book. Seriously, you know how you sometimes get the butterflies in your stomach over something or someone? I get those when I've started a good book. I get home from work and get done with all the chores and then it dawns on me that I can go back to reading. I've been known to do a little dance in my living room over it.

2. Bottle feeding calves. I love reaching over the little pen and petting their heads while they eat. They just have these big ole warm eyes and soft little heads to pet.

3. Art class, which I have tonight. My teacher is a warm, wonderful, giving lady who anyone would be lucky to spend time with.

4. Getting to eat veggies out of my first garden - so far, it's only radishes and lettuce, but it's certainly better than nothing.

5. When I walk with my husband, he always walks faster with those long ole legs and when he gets a couple steps ahead of me, he silently reaches back and waits for me to get hold of his hand so he can pull me up close. I LOVE THIS!

6. Surprising people. I like to randomly surprise the people I love. Today, I am picking up an entertainment center for my son's bedroom. It's just a used one from my dad's house, but I know when Pea Pie walks in his room this Friday and sees his tv and games and movies all organized, he will be THRILLED!

I guess that about does it. I'm not going to tag anyone because I think most of you have already done this.

Have a Great Tuesday!

Definitely Monday

It's 8:09am on Monday morning. So, really Monday isn't even in full swing and yet I have learned these things from Talky Pete:

1. They had a giant watergun fight at his house over the weekend with a boy down the road who has no father, but his grandfather fought in WW2 on D-Day in Normandy. He was shot but lived through it and died in 1999, a year before the little boy was born.
2. The little boy's water gun is a lever action rifle. When you fill it up, you can get 10 good shots out of it with a stream about a half inch in diameter, but you have to pull the lever ALL THE WAY BACK (insert awesome descriptive hand action here).
3. Talky stayed up all night Saturday night with a baseball bat because his dog wouldn't stop barking. I wondered aloud whether he meant to beat the dog into silence (in hopes that he would be so appalled at my question that he would stop talking). He said no, it was meant for the 6 foot 4 inch crack head who had been living next door as a guest but who couldn't seem to clean up so he was kicked out. The neighbor who the crackhead had been living with told Talky Pete not to mess with the crackhead because he is six foot four. Talky told him (insert loud voice, balled up fists and mean looking face here)"I SPECIALIZE IN SIX FOOT FOUR!!"
4. Conversation then turned to paint ball. (don't ask me how the subject of conversation made this turn. I've never met another soul who could hold this long of a conversation with no interaction from another human before in my life). Talky was on 2 (count them - 2) paintball tournament teams. An A team called Red Dawn and a C team called something I can't remember as my brain had taken over at that point and all I could hear was the screaming inside my head. I did manage to gather that he was a total badass and everyone else sucked blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah...

It's not just morning - it's Monday morning. I do have some good news to take the edge off, though:

Johnny Depp AND Christian Bale are starring TOGETHER in a new movie about John Dillinger. (Go ahead and take a minute to wrap your mind around that). It's called Public Enemies, I think. I definitely feel a date night movie coming on! Action for the boys and boys for the ladies - that's a good movie!

What us UP with the animals?

Not long ago I helped a kitty who had been chased up a fence post by two dogs. I think I blogged about it.
This morning, on our way to work, with my son and husband both in the car, I drove past 3 dogs attacking another. You can't make antilock brakes squeal to a stop, but I think I came close - all the while screaming heaven only knows what. Mostly noises I think. That didn't help, so I got out of the car and ran over flailing my arms until the 3 attackers ran far away. I followed the attackee home and rang his doorbell. Now don't think for one second I expected so much as a thank you because I really didn't care, HOWEVER, I DID expect the owner of this lovely dog to at least be concerned about him. Especially considering it was a woman and we tend to do a bit more coddling than men do. Her obvious lack of concern caused me to detail out the attack for her. Her still obvious lack of concern found me staring at her, mouth moving in silence until I finally said (rather loudly) HE'S BLEEDING, YOU KNOW!? I'm convinced more out of concern for my behavior than her dogs, she finally checked him over. pfft. If not for the 4 we already have, I think I would lure this one into my car tonight on the way home.

You might be thinking, "What a way to start your day." I WISH! No, my day started at 6 when my husband sat straight up in bed and yelled, "SON OF A BITCH! I LEFT THE GATE OPEN LAST NIGHT!" Then be bolted for his pants and ran outside. I quickly realized that 10, That's TEN, That's two less than a DOZEN horses were out! Thank goodness we live half a mile off the road and they were not out on the pavement. I couldn't even look at my husband, let alone talk to him for fear that I would channel satan. By the grace of Bob, everyone was fine.

It's only 8:48 right now, but I've never been so happy to be safely behind my desk at work!

To the Powers That Be:

I'm here to make a case that I believe would benefit all of humanity:

I would like to ask that every teenager be struck dumb from the age of 13-22.
Please make exceptions during that period if one of them decides they have something nice to say (no, no - it shouldn't be much of a challenge to keep track as I'm convinced this will only happen 2.7 times per year. I've done the math).

The age range should be determined on an individual basis in case some of them happen upon an early case of common sense.

If you would like a good example of why this is necessary, you can visit my son today. You'll find him hoeing between every single row in the garden. Please remind him that if he had not spun his head around and projectile vomited pea soup at me before I was even fully awake, he would instead be riding his bike all over town with my little sisters.

Also, if you need an administrator to run this program, I would be happy to fill that position.

Sincerely,

Gertrude

Death of the Toothfairy

This is a post from my old blog. No, no... It's certainly not that I couldn't think of anything NEW to post about today. It's just that, in getting to know me, you have to understand my family dynamic a little: Oh, if you're wondering why I have an "old blog," it's because I am a procrastinator AND a perfectionist and after spending weeks at a time not writing in the old one, I decided it was time for a new one and that I shant screw this one up! So far, so good - a post every Monday through Friday. Now, on with the story:

My cousin called the other day to tell me that her sons had been up to no good. Not unusual for them, but this episode really takes the cake:
She has 2 boys, 5 and 3 years old. The older one had discovered he had a loose tooth and went to ask his mom how much money he would get from the tooth fairy for it. She told him he would probably get a dollar and apparently, he thought that was right up town. So, he and his little brother went to work on it right away. They tied string around his tooth and he gave said string to his little brother and told him to yank out the tooth. Little brother did yank and it must have been a good one because....tah dah.... they managed to yank out the wrong tooth. It was the tooth NEXT to the loose tooth. My cousin has been trying to figure out how to discourage the boys from this kind of behaviour without telling them the tooth fairy does not really exist.
My mom wasn't so thoughtful (not that I blame her considering the circumstances)...

You see, when I was a child, my dad worked out of town a lot and I would sleep in mom's bedroom with her. Basically we were both huge fraidy cats and both afraid to sleep alone. So, one night after I lost a tooth, I placed it carefully under my pillow in my mom's bed and went to sleep. The next morning when I awoke I remembered that I should have some money under the pillow and went fishing for it. Mom was still asleep when I started screaming, TWENTY-SIX DOLLARS!!! TWENTY-SIX DOLLARS!!! THE TOOTH FAIRY LEFT ME TWENTY-SIX DOLLARS!" Mom woke up in midst of the hysterical screaming, blinked a few times, got a horrified look of comprehension on her face and said, "Give that back, it was supposed to be three dollars." She had mistakenly given me a twenty, a five and a one instead of three ones. Thus ended the little pink wing-ed one's illustrious career in my home...

So, that brings up a question. How did you find out there was no such thing as the Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny or any other childhood characters? Were you traumatized, surprised or expecting it? Do tell!

Rest In Peace

Katherine Goodson.

This is a 6 year old girl who died in a freak fire accident in my town Sunday.

Blessings to her family who have lost her and to the fire and rescue who tried so hard and who will not recover from this tragedy for a very long time.

Weekend Recap

Lawdy Lawdy Lawdy, I'm a tired one today. And frankly, am having a very hard time getting into the groove of work. Ick. Glaringly mundane after such a weekend (still very thankful to have a job in this economy, though).

The weekend was better than I could have imagined. I mentioned Friday what the plans were, now I'll tell you how it actually went:

Showed up in Eureka Springs a little before eight on Saturday and met the man who puts the Blues Fest on. He was one of those rare, AMAZING human beings that you only occasionally get the opportunity to meet. Great personality, so friendly you immediately feel like you've known him forever and just full of the greatest stories from the Blues world that you could imagine. Now, it would have been enough just to have met him, but he turned around and introduced me to the man who runs the Greater Ozarks Blues Festival in Springfield, Missouri and that guy invited me to do artist hospitality this Fall at his Festival. At this point I was just about to fall over from excitement. THEN, I got to meet one of the board members of the International Blues Competition in Memphis. Knock me over with a feather!
It doesn't matter if you're a Blues Fan. Pick whatever genre you love and imagine meeting the equivalent folks. Surreal. And just when I thought it couldn't get any better, I turn around and see my son helping King Clarentz (Clarence Brewer) carry some of his equipment into the Auditorium. I did manage to grab my camera and take pictures which I will post later.

After our volunteering was done, we headed up to Spring Street Candle and hung out with Mike and Sonny for a couple of hours while waiting on my mom and uncle to get there so we could have lunch before Pea-Pie and I headed home.

I just realized I've been sounding like a paid commercial for Eureka Springs. I'm not being paid, I swear, it's just THAT MAGICAL!

Sunday, I laid around and watched movies. That's it. I was and am exhausted from about 3 weeks straight of running running running!